i'm so fucking depressed...


i shouldn't be. i have money, family, a beautiful new house, nice new car - all the fucking material possessions in the world but what's the point if you can't fucking enjoy them??

i'm just so fucking down but i can't tell anyone because i never tell anyone anything ever. my thoughts, my feelings, my grief, my pain are my own. they are no one else's burden, no one else's business and no one would care anyway. i just vent on here because it's an empty chamber.

but as it is my life has been ripped away from me with this disease and i'm way too fucking young to have it happen. fuck everything. fuck 2012, fuck doctors who won't find a cure because there's no money in it and fuck everything everywhere.


fuck everything.

and now, let's put on a smile, a nice outfit and walk out there and wish everyone a great 2012! "it's going to be the best year ever guys! i hope you and yours have something great ahead of you! Oh, I know, it's AWESOME, isn't it?! No, i'm great! i'm on the mend, it's just a little thing it'll pass - this new year is all about healing for me! Oh, that's sweet but yes i DO try to remain positive - it helps! "



....see what i mean? fake as the day is long. not even a crack in the facade, i'm just that good.